When Mediation Isn't the Right Path — and Why That's Okay

26 October 2026 · By Becky Taylor, Family Mediator · 5 min read

If you've been reading about family mediation, you'll have seen a lot of good news: it's usually faster, cheaper and calmer than court, and most families who try it reach an agreement. All true. But this post is about the families mediation doesn't work for — because if you're in that group, you deserve honesty, not false hope.

Mediation isn't for everyone

Around 8–9% of families who come forward for mediation are assessed as unsuitable for it. That might sound like a small number, but it represents real people facing real difficulties. Sometimes it's because of safety concerns — domestic abuse, coercive control, or a genuine fear that can't be managed in a mediation room. Sometimes it's because one person simply won't engage, or the conflict is so high that even shuttle mediation wouldn't be safe or productive. And sometimes there are legal complexities that need a court's authority from the start.

None of this means you've failed. It means mediation isn't the right tool for your situation — and that's okay.

Why I screen carefully

Every family mediator registered with the Family Mediation Council has to assess whether mediation is suitable before it starts. At your MIAM — the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting — I'll ask about your circumstances, your safety, and whether you feel able to negotiate freely. I'll ask about domestic abuse. Not to pry, but because mediation only works when both people can speak without fear.

If I assess your case as unsuitable, I'll tell you honestly, and I'll explain why. I won't push you into a process that won't help, and I won't take your money for sessions that would go nowhere. That's part of the FMC Code of Practice I work to — and it's also just how I believe this work should be done.

What happens if mediation isn't suitable?

You still have options — often several. For many families, the right route is court, and if so I'll sign the MIAM form you need for your application (a C100 for child arrangements, or Form A for finances). For others it might be solicitor negotiation, collaborative law, or arbitration. Where I can, I'll point you towards the route that fits your situation — even when that route isn't with me.

The important thing is that you're not stuck. "Not suitable for mediation" doesn't mean "no way forward". It means a different way forward.

If you're unsure, ask

If you're wondering whether mediation could work for you, the best thing to do is ask. A MIAM is confidential, there's no obligation to continue, and it's exactly the place where we work out together whether mediation is safe and sensible for your family.

And if mediation isn't right for you? I'll tell you that too — and help you find the path that is.

Becky Taylor Mediation — family mediation across England & Wales, in person and online. Member of Resolution. Working to the Family Mediation Council Code of Practice.